a good hard slap in the face..

and i'm not saying that in a bad way, i ripped-off this article from

catcastro 

today, and it has some sensible things to say.

for women who fall..

The Hard Lessons on Love and Men.

1. A man won't let go if he really loves you.
Do not hold on to someone who has let go of you. He does not love you and does not value having you. Believe me, he will not let go if he really loves you. There is another reason he is not willing to tell.

2. Do not look for reasons why he ended the relationship.
There is only one reason why he ended your relationship. He just does not love you. Do not waste your time thinking of reasons or what you should have done. Move on and be open to a man who will truly love you.

3. Do not get hung up on your past.
Do not nag or distrust your current boyfriend just because your ex hurt you. Do not treat him or the relationship the same way. Do not compare. He will not react the same way as your ex. Do not be worried that your simple mistakes will cause him to look for another girl. What happened with your ex was not your fault. It was not because you didn't guard him enough or you didn't make him happy enough.

4. Do not look into images.
How many times have you met a girl who didn't have the best image in school or at the office, but you get to know the girl and found out she was actually extremely nice? Do not rely on images. Oftentimes, it is far from reality. Do not fear men just because your "supposedly" perfect ex-boyfriend mistreated you.

5. Always have your own set of rules.
Set your limits on how far you'd go for a guy. It's perfectly ok to give and do everything as long as it's worth it. And it's worth it if the guy is treating you right.

6. Do not be scared to lose him.
Don't be scared that he'll break up with you. Once you are afraid of losing him, you easily can be taken advantage. Be strong and if something is unacceptable, do not accept it and speak up.

7. Avoid calling your guy.
It's a guy thing. The relationship will definitely be better if it's the guy who's calling, not the girl. He will get tired of you if you keep on calling. He will lose interest and challenge. More
so, he will get annoyed. But it's a girl thing also that your fingers get too itchy until you dial his number. But avoid as much as possible. Call only if really needed (like checking if your suspicions are reasonable).

8. There is a guy who will value you.
There is a guy out there who can make you feel valued, appreciated, and loved. And I mean, not just during your first few weeks together. So don't lose hope. Don't settle for a lesbian if you are not attracted to women. There is a man out there who can love you like a girl can.
Also, do not believe him when he says it's just the way he really is. He's not the sweet or expressive-type. Remember during your first few weeks together? Where has that sweet guy gone? He simply is not that into you anymore.

9. Always be the only one, no matter what.
Do not ever fall for a guy who has another girl, be it his wife, girlfriend, or any girl that he says he just can't get rid of for whatever reason. If you truly believe that he loves you and for some reason, he can't leave or let go of another girl, then you are no different from any ordinary mistress.

10. He must respect you.
No matter how long the relationship has been, he should always show respect towards you.

11. If he fooled you, end it.
Philandering once is enough. You can never trust nor respect the person again.

12. Never start a relationship the wrong way.
Do not steal another girl's man, for whatever reason. Nor should you enter a relationship for the wrong reasons (loneliness, on the rebound, getting back at your ex, man-dependency, etc.) it is bound not to last. You will only end up wasting more years of your life.

13. Do not force yourself into a relationship.
Do not get into a relationship just because your friends are getting impatient with your dating escapades and the one hasn't come yet. Do not choose who to say yes to based on superficial things like money, looks, cars, etc.. If you are even thinking of these things, you have not fallen in love yet.

14. Do not settle.
If you are not happy anymore with your relationship, break up instantly. He will not stay with you forever no matter how upright he might seem to be. Eventually, he will also want love and happiness in his life.

15. A relationship has to have love.
Love is the only thing that will push you to give your efforts into making the relationship work. And believe me, keeping a relationship requires genuine efforts of both parties.

16. Don't be afraid to be single.
It's fun to be single, try it. You can go out whenever and wherever you want. You are free. You can date whomever you want and you get to go out for free! Do not get a boyfriend just for the sake of having one. Do not settle.

17. Be a good girl.
Be a good girl to attract a good guy. Enter the relationship with sincere intentions. Take the guy and the relationship seriously with the plan of spending the rest of your life with that person. If you compare your flings from your real relationships, you will know that the latter makes you happier and more fulfilled.

18. Love without limits.
Whether you loved and gave everything or loved but held out for some things, if the relationship ends, you still get hurt. But if you gave your everything, you were happy and you could say that it was worth it. If you didn't give your all, you get hurt for nothing.

19. You will get over him.
Love is over-stated. Love eventually ends and you are free to love another.

20. Be the one.
Act like you are the one. Don't be a nagger. Don't hinder his gimmicks. Don't give in to him too easily. Make him treat you as important. Don't be easy. Don't be like every other girl he had in his life.

He's just not that into you.

I bought Sex and the City dvds last weekend and started watching it almost every night before going to bed. Im already on Season 5 :P

Remember Berger? Carrie's boyfriend who broke up with her on a post it, the one with all the verbal chemistry, the guy that they all wanted to work but didn't? Well, before the drama of their breakup, he was actually an excellent boyfriend. At a dinner with the girls + Berger, Miranda was telling them about her date with this new guy. The date apparently went well, they had fun, they kissed, but when he brought her home, he wouldn't come up because he had to get up early the next day. Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda, and even Samantha were all trying to analyze what happened and came up with several ideas as to why the guy wouldn't come up, all ideas pointing to the positive that he's gonna call, etc, etc. (you know how girls can overanalyze every detail in any quasi-relationship, it's an art we perfect through time) So then Miranda then asks Berger for his "guy opinion" and he says that for guys, it only means one thing, he goes on to say, "He's just not that into you."


Hmm..

Clear. Black and White. Right there. No frills. No hidden emotions behind it. That's just it. According to Miranda, it's cool that she finally knows how it works for men, it supposedly softens the blow, presupposing that he doesn't like you enough, so you won't ever expect anything back. Sort of like a warning before you get hit in the face. Maybe so, but whatever, a blow is a blow is a blow, no matter how many warning bells you get.

Ouch.
He's just not that into you.

the bumps of life.

They say that all relationships are meant to end. Those who are still going strong, well, they just haven't hit the bump that would send that helmet-less biker hurtling to the ground head first.

Of course you get into a relationship wishing, hoping that this time would be it. That this would last. That this would be the love that you read in romance novels, the kind you watch in movies. The "I'm so in love I'm willing to compromise on your behalf and you on mine." kind of love. But that doesn't happen too often. And breakups are inevitable in some cases.

Breakups aren't much fun. But what sucks the most about breakups isn't the time when you cried yourself to sleep after yet another pointless row; nope, not the time when you found out your partner slept with your best buddy; hell, it's not even the time you were fuming mad that you drank beyond your alcohol tolerance and woozily tried to break his windshield with your heels.

It's the "Getting Over You" phase that's the worst part of breakups. It's the week at the ICU after the crash. The week when you're at your most vulnerable, the time when you're most susceptible to do foolish things. And no matter whether you're the dumper or the dumpee, there's still that phase where you think about your moments together. The great times, the not so great times, and even the horrible times. And during weaker nights, you find the urge to just find him and say you've made the wrong decision. There are also moments of longing and hoping that you could still work things out. Letting go of someone who was dear to your heart at one point or another is not as easy as, say, throwing away a used square of tissue.

But even though you go through hell and back after a breakup, the mere thrill of riding without a helmet, feeling the wind against your face blowing your hair in all directions, revving the engine, hearing it roar to life, all that, it just makes you want to get on that Harley again, riding with reckless abandon. Until the next bump.

My Korean Fling

Let me start by saying that I rarely watch Korean-novelas or Korean films. I can honestly say that I don’t enjoy them all that much, but people around me seem to be in a Korean-entertainment-frenzy. With all this hoopla around Korean flicks, one night, I find myself in a dream having an affair with a Korean guy. Definitely one of the weirdest dreams I’ve had in a long while, and that’s why I’m writing about it.

I don’t exactly remember all the details but it was a cute dream, with a sort of chick-flick-type storyline. If only I can remember all my dreams, I'd start my own film company which will produce comedies, romantic-comedies, sci-fi (yea, sci-fi, seriously), and action, or any combination of the aforesaid types (but no epics or drama please).

Ok, so the dream starts with me attending an outdoor wedding (a sort of beach setting) of a distant cousin. So there I am, dressed in itchy formal and around me are all of my relatives from all sides of the family, and we’re listening to a very dull priest rambling on longer than we had expected. We start to fidget and start to chitchat with each other, and then at one point, I get introduced to this guy standing close by. He’s the husband of another one of my cousins, and he is Korean.

Go ahead, reread the title again.

So our little group (including the Korean who speaks perfect English and a spattering of Filipino) continued to chat while the homily was going on, then at one point the Korean quips and I quip quickly back and this exchange went on through the entire ceremony. You know that feeling that you get with some people that you just know that you’re going to get along pretty well with that person? That’s what we had, me and the Korean, I felt we could be good friends, if not more. The wedding is over, and after all the niceties saying our “Congratulations!” to the newlyweds and hellos and kisses to all the other distant relatives, the Korean invited me to explore the place (the place was sort of Boracay-ish, so lotsa places to go to). And I agreed, I had no reason not to.

So we went to all the places (I won’t write about each and every place but think of a part of a chick-flick where there's a montage of scenes where the two leads get to know each other and there’s background music that’s supposed to make you smile) and one of places was sort of a Korean temple, but with monks and incense and the Korean was showing me their rituals and stuff.

Weird stuff, I told ya. Ok, so here’s the part where we’ve established that me and Korean clicked. When one said something, the other had a quick reply of assent or additional information on the topic. And at each revelation, we looked at each other with questioning and yet amused eyes thinking, “This feels right, this IS right.” In addition, I was thinking “Of course nothing could happen, he’s married, and to a relative of mine nonetheless”.

So after about a week of spending each day with each other and him bringing me home (the temporary beach house with my parents) each night, it was time for me to leave and go back to the real world. I knew that he knew that I was leaving soon. And in my heart, I was waiting for him to come by. As I was packing, the constant ringing of the doorbell kept me looking to the window to see who it was, my heart sinking with each ring that wasn’t him. The whole family is ready to go, there's no Korean in sight and I’ve resigned myself to going away without even saying goodbye. As I was about to board the plane, there’s a call from behind and I look on hopefully. It is the Korean, running towards me, and then finally wrapping his arms around my waist. No words, just two people, looking in each others eyes. The eyes doing the talking, his and mine, full of emotion, brimming with tenderness.

And… cut. The End.

It’s open-ended I know, but it’s better that way. I can form my own conclusion, or I can just wait for tonight’s dream, My Korean Fling, Part II. Stay tuned.

Is infidelity inevitable? Part 2

i finally finished the book, after the two weeks it has been sitting on my bedside table.. :P

the thing about this book is that it has "God's" perspective (God the Creator of all things that are, is, and will be); in between chapters, there's a page where 'God' is explaining what's happening and why it's happening.

on the story: So Sara found out about the affair and dumped Tom and gets kicked out of the house, Tom is heartbroken and runs to George who comforts him for a while. Then George dumped Tom and when Tom asked if she ever loved him, she says "No. I think i just loved the idea of you." BIG OUCH. Then Tom becomes miserable and tries to crawl back to Sara and ask for her forgiveness (with a huge public apology,limousine,fudge,musicians, and tickets to Venice), to no avail. Then, the book skips AFTER TWO YEARS (i always thought this only happened to movies and tv). They've all moved on, Tom meets Sara at a party and gives her a ride home, gives this whole speech about how sorry he was and about unfaithfulness and its repercussions. Sara appears to be quite moved, says NO for the nth time, pushes Tom out the door.

and then 'God' butts in and says in the 2nd to the last page. "I made it involve all your senses: now I'm giving you that extra sense, the one that can hopefully take the edge off it all... a sense of perspective."

and on the last page, Sara opens the door and finds Tom STILL there.
TOM: "They always come back, don't they? In the movies you like? The men always try one more time after it seems it's too late."

SARA: "Aye.. and can I point out that your success rate from copying what works in the movies has been - historically - fvcking tragic?"

T: "Abysmal."

S: "And that 'winningly persistent suitor' or 'creepy bleeding stalker' is not a call that you get to make?"

T: "No - you get to make that call."

S: "Aye, that's right.. That's right: I get to make that call."

T: "So?"

* personally i think Tom killed the whole speech by starting with, "Here's the thing about being unfaithful, Sara .. it's absolutely FANTASTIC." Although he tried recover from this point on and made good arguments, if this was said to me, i would always look back to him saying 'Being unfaithful is Fantastic' with a capital F

Is infidelity inevitable?

I'm curently reading a book called A Certain Chemistry by Mil Millington. I'm only 3/4 of the way through, but i cannot help but write about what I've partly read.

So the premise is that there's this guy named Tom Cartwright who's a ghostwriter (meaning he writes and other people take credit). He gets a job to ghost-write an autobiography for a famous TV soap actress called Georgina Nye. So, him and Georgina meet up for stuff for the book and after a few meetings, they realize they have this certain chemistry, both asexual and sexual, and then one thing led to another and so they had an affair. Problem is, Tom has a live-in girlfriend by the name of Sara. And Tom loves Georgina and Sara both. Or so he claims.

I wouldn't have been surprised to read on to the next few pages seeing Tom deliriously happy because he has both 'comforting' Sara and 'gorgeous' George to, excuse the word but it is appropriate, fvck. But then come these lines from Tom the man himself.

"What you have to remember is that I was the victim here. .. I was suffering horribly. ... As for Sara, well, yes, I was being unfaithful to her. But she didn't know that. I was the one who had to endure life under the weight of that knowledge: I was the one who felt guilty. .. Here I am suffering silently to maintain the happiness of others, and all you can do is despise me for ensuring that my girlfriend has wave after face-crushing wave of orgasms: you ought to be bloody ashamed of yourself." -Tom Cartwright

My, what an interesting justification. He feels he's the victim. By golly. It gets even more interesting. Finally Sara and George meet up at yet another post-booklaunch-party and a certain Fiona (Tom's colleague who knows about the Tom/George affair) keeps trying to make Tom uncomfortable in front of Sara. Sara then lashes at Fiona and says "Fiona, you appear to be hinting that Tom is fvcking Georgina Nye." (pause, pause, Tom's eyes wide and very much horrified) "I'm sorry if it spoils your surprise, but I'm already perfectly well aware of that fact - that's very old news." Gasp. Right when Tom thinks he's actually pulled it off. I have yet to find out what happens next.

The tagline of the book reads: Is infidelity inevitable? The question remains unanswered.