Dear Ninongs and Ninangs

There's only 74 days, 2 hours, and 37 minutes until it's the ha-happiest time of the year. Less than a hundred days left until wee little godchildren cash in on being cute. I keed! I love Christmas! Children too, sort of.

To my ninangs and ninangs, and to those who are pure of heart and kind of soul who would gift me this year, although I'm no longer wee nor little nor cute, I would like to tell you about that one thing on my wishlist this year. This Christmas, I would really, really, really love to get a letter opener.

Why? Because this-

Look at those mocking little uneven flaps

From the moment I started getting snail mail, I've opened them exactly the same way. They all end up like that poor little thing in the photo and I'm tired of the sorry sight. Next year, I hope to have neatly opened envelopes sliced open cleanly by a nice little letter opener. Save the envelopes and gift me one, please? That's all I want.