Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Stupid Things That Men Do, Part 2: The Ex Files

Hi! It's been more than a year since our first  post on this series, but that doesn't necessarily mean that men have straightened themselves out. They're all still out there, doing stupid things.

Exes can be a sore topic in a relationship. It's a tricky thing, talking about exes. Men aren't the most sensitive people on earth, in fact, they can be stupid about things like this. Today, this will be more for the men, we'll talk about exes and what NOT to say about them.

No-no Number 1: Never, in any given situation, tell your girlfriend that your ex is better, in any way.

Girlfriend: What was your ex like? Be honest.
Boyfriend: She was pretty, probably the prettiest girlfriend I've had.
Girlfriend: Oh. (pause)
Boyfriend: I mean, until you came along! That's what I meant! No, really! I promise!

Guys, when a girl asks about your ex and tells you to be honest with it. Be honest with your answer. But please don't put everything in superlatives, try to downplay the good points, and slightly highlight the bad.
Don't water the plants in this garden.
You see, no current girlfriend wants to hear that there was someone better than her, never mind if it's true. Saying things like this plants seeds of jealousy, and they will flourish with every minute detail you mention about this particular ex.

No-no Number 2: Don't go spewing the words 'lifetime' and 'forever' when talking about your ex.

Boyfriend: No one can hold a candle to her. If given the chance to be with her again in my lifetime, I'd definitely take it.
Girlfriend: -__-
Boyfriend: Until I met you!
Girlfriend: -__-

With a statement like this, you should be alone forever. Keep this statement to yourself if you want to get laid during the course of your lifetime. No self-respecting girl would take you, unless she's trying to get back at the last stupid guy who hurt her.

Annoyed cat is annoyed. Like your girlfriend would be. (photo from here)
This conversation is unsaveable. Again, we go back to No-no Number 1. Saying things like this would just make her feel that she's second best. Not a good feeling. If she's nice, she'll let you off the hook for the meantime, but remember what I said about planting the seeds. You'll harvest it's fruit sooner or later.

No-no Number 3: Don't get caught.

You'd be surprised as to how many men are stupid enough to get caught. As a follow up to the boyfriend-girlfriend conversation in No-no Number 2, in case you still actually harbor feelings for your ex, just don't get caught saying things you shouldn't be saying.
Only puppies can get away with this look (photo from here)
You can't come back from it with a puppy dog look on your face and just be forgiven. If you have feelings for your ex AND you're with someone new, that's messed up. Be single (and ready to mingle), and then you can exclaim your adoration for your ex.

That is all folks. Remember to tread carefully when talking about exes, there are just some things that you can't un-say. Until next time, there will be a lot more stupid things that men will do.

No comments: