Sunday, March 18, 2007

sometimes you just have to read between the lines..

I've never been good at getting to the point.

And people have told me quite a few times. Sometimes jokingly, other times seriously, sometimes politely and other times rudely. And I do sort of agree, time comes when I've opened my mouth to speak and then in the middle of it all; i stop, pause, and think: "What the hell did that thing-I-just-said have to do with what I'm really trying to say??"

I'm not sure, perhaps because growing up, I never had to explain myself completely to others. People around me always seemed to understand what I was trying to get at, so I didn't have to try very hard at making them understand.

You know those people that nod in agreement in the middle of a 'kwento' session and even before you can finish it off, they offer their conclusion to your intro? and if you say "it's not that.." they offer another possible conclusion.. and that goes on until you agree at some point? Well, i think i had a lot of those people growing up, up to now even. Hence, i seldom got to finish my own stories. Except in my mind. Sometimes it's all formed coherently and quite nicely inside my head but when i open my mouth, all coherence comes crashing down. Open mouth, insert foot situations are normal occurrences.

Add to that, the hesitance i have about sharing true emotions. That personal space bubble? Mine's a whole lot bigger than Bubbleboy's. Made bigger by certain circumstances that involved trusting too much and getting a kick in the arse, a blow to the head, a pitchfork on the back. But I am learning to be a tad bit more open though, little by little. Baby steps. Baby steps and i'll get there.

Coz i'm slowly realizing that while some people are dirtbags, others are okay. Nice even. But i'll never be the person who spills her guts out to the person she just met a week ago, i can't be the person who can be close buddies with a person she'd just met that day, i'm not the type who'd gush about feelings too openly. Even if we've known each other for a bit of time, I won't necessarily bare my heart and mind and soul to you.

So you know.. the things I'm not saying? Get it.

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